Have I Loved My Wife?
By Brian | April 20, 2008
hope that readers of this blog are able to realize that I don’t find myself blameless. Clearly I am far from perfect and not without fault. One of the areas that I find difficulty is loving my wife as demanded in Ephesians 5 (25-32.) For reference, here it is:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.
You’ll notice, first off, that I am leaving out much of chapter 5. I am leaving out of this the roles given to the wife simply because those are not my business, in a sense. Weather or not my wife decides to submit to her husband is not, directly, my concern, though it is my responsiblity, as I will show later on. No, my responsibility is to Love her as Christ loves the church. Have I?
Christ cleansed the church with the word. If I’m to love my wife as Christ loved the church, then I’m to love my wife as Christ loved the church. There are no half measures. The biggest question is what it means. First is instruct with the word in what is right. I’m the first to admit that I score a big fat zero, or close to it, in this area. I have starved my wife.
The second analogy is a little less clear but even more important, in my mind, then the first. “…present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or other blemish, but holy and blameless.” Well, what on earth does that mean? Following the church analogy we know that churches are not blameless. Of course not. Their full of people with human frailties, people that sin, people that are imperfect. Yet, Christ presents her to himself as holy and blameless. Why then does Christ present the church as blameless? Instruction through the word… and forgiveness. Instructing in what is right - yet forgiving us when we don’t measure up.
So, I haven’t cleansed her through the word - yet I expect her to submit to her husband. If I’m not doing my part then I certainly cannot expect her to do hers. Weather or not she submits to me as a husband, as mandated in Ephesians 5:22, is directly related to my instruction through the word. Not domination, mind you, simple instruction and leading by example. If I’m not willing to take the lead in teaching then, really, how much can I complain when a situation like mine has occured?
Christian husbands - you have an incredible responsibility. Read the passages for yourself and ask yourself if you are really measuring up. Don’t get too trapped in what your wife does and doesn’t do. Don’t get too wrapped up in what she’s supposed to be doing to make a functional biblical marriage. No matter what the circumstance it is your job to DO YOUR JOB. Not to make sure she does hers. Forgive her. Cleanse her in the Word. Leave the rest to the Lord.
Ahh… but can that be done? It’s easy for me to say it but I’m certainly not super human. I can easily say it but I’m not so sure I can do it. My situation is extreme - there’s no doubt about that, but while the situation may be more difficult than most the instructions are the same. There are no outs here. There’s no “unless you wife does this….” clause to Ephesians 5.
It’s going to be hard to measure up to that.